Unexpected grief that sits with separation and divorce

Finding your voice again: In the intricate dance of relationships, a painful melody sometimes plays – the tune of feeling unheard, uncared for, and unacknowledged. This is the story of those who find themselves in this emotional wilderness, a journey marked by frustration, self-doubt, and the yearning to be seen. The Silent Struggle: Imagine presenting ideas only to have them consistently dismissed, or sharing feelings that seem to vanish into thin air. This consistent invalidation chips away at your sense of self-worth. Private moments become battlegrounds of self-doubt, where you question your value and contributions. Arguments erupt, not out of malice, but from a deep-seated need to be recognised. Each disagreement is a plea: 'See me. Hear me. Acknowledge my existence.' But the cycle continues, leaving you feeling more isolated than ever. Enduring the Unseen: For many, this emotional neglect stretches on for months, even years. In marriages, especially those with children, the weight of responsibility can make it seem impossible to address the underlying issues. You bury your feelings, hoping things will improve, but the silence only amplifies the pain. The role of caregiver becomes a double-edged sword. While you pour your energy into nurturing your family, your own emotional needs remain unmet. You become a silent martyr, sacrificing your well being for the sake of others. The Breaking Point: Emotional exhaustion eventually sets in. The constant struggle to be heard, the repeated disappointments, and the suppression of your own needs culminate in a profound sense of depletion. You reach a point where you have nothing left to give. This is the moment of reckoning. The moment you realise that enduring the unseen is no longer an option. You understand that your mental health and well-being are paramount, and that you deserve to be in a relationship where you are valued and respected. Reclaiming Your Power: Deciding to prioritise your mental health is an act of courage. It's a declaration that you are worthy of love, respect, and recognition. It's a commitment to yourself to no longer tolerate being unseen. This decision may lead to difficult conversations, therapy, or even the dissolution of the relationship. But it is a necessary step towards healing and rebuilding your confidence. Remember, your worth is not determined by someone else's ability to see you. You are inherently valuable, and you deserve to be treated as such. Hope and Healing: The journey to healing is not linear. There will be setbacks and moments of doubt. But with each step you take towards self-care and self-discovery, you will grow stronger and more resilient. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Seek professional help from a separation & divorce coach or counselor. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you reconnect with yourself. Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope for a brighter future where you are seen, heard, and cherished. Summary: The challenging emotional path faced by individuals who feel overlooked, uncared for, and unrecognised in their relationships. This journey underscores the harmful consequences of ongoing invalidation, the necessity of prioritising mental health, and the potential for healing and rebuilding self-confidence. Acknowledging one's own value and actively working to reclaim personal power are essential steps toward achieving happiness and fulfilment

It is essential for children to comprehend and articulate their emotions regarding divorce or separation. Often, children find it easier to express their feelings through drawing rather than words, making Art Therapy a highly effective tool for young ones. The confusing emotions surrounding divorce can lead to stress for many children. Some may internalise their feelings, which could manifest as headaches, stomach aches, or behavioural issues. A child's thoughts significantly influence their perception of events. Address any misconceptions gently and at the right moment. Please support them in learning how to cope with change and loss, while also fostering trust and respect for important role models in their lives. If you find it challenging to communicate with your children or co-parent with your ex-partner, I am here to assist you. Many children harbour feelings of guilt regarding their parents' separation, believing that they are no longer loved. Having an impartial adult to confide in can greatly facilitate the healing process. While becoming a single parent may not have been the original plan, it is crucial to focus on being the best parent possible. Always prioritise what is in the best interest of your child. Children thrive when they feel loved by both parents. Regardless of adult disagreements, it's important to set them aside for the children's sake and lead by example. Remember, children are remarkably perceptive and often sense tensions and emotions, even if not openly discussed. Encouraging open and honest communication, while keeping discussions age-appropriate, can nurture a sense of security and understanding. Establishing routines and maintaining consistency in their lives can also provide stability during times of change. In addition to art, other creative outlets such as music, play, and storytelling can serve as powerful tools for children to explore and express their emotions. Encouraging participation in these activities can help them process their feelings constructively. It's equally vital to prioritise your own emotional well-being. Children often look to their parents for guidance, and by modelling healthy coping strategies, you can teach them resilience. Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals can offer you the strength and perspective necessary to navigate this challenging period. Ultimately, reminding your children that both parents love them unconditionally, regardless of the circumstances, can reinforce their sense of security and belonging. By collaborating as co-parents and putting your children's needs first, you can create a nurturing environment that supports their growth and happiness.